Adults-Older People

Sex and Ageing

What should a sex life be like as you grow older? It is exactly the same as it was when you were younger. You may choose not to engage in any sexual activity at all, at any age, and this is your right. Today in our modern society, there is a much more open and relaxed attitude to sex than there has been. You have a greater freedom of choice now than probably at any other time. You have the right to make your own choice. Don’t allow yourself to be bullied into giving up an activity that can be enjoyable, stimulating and emotionally and physically beneficial.

How does “normal” ageing affect sexual activity? There is no single measure of what is normal in sexual activity - it varies from person to person. You have to decide what has been normal for you throughout your own life and consider any changes based on that. Growing older may well affect the quantity of sex you experience, but it does not necessarily have to affect the quality.

As the years pass, you can expect to slow down in most physical activities you undertake, and sex is not any different from the rest. The desire for sex may decline due to hormonal changes in both men and women.
In men, more prolonged manual or oral stimulation may be needed to attain an erection which itself is not as rigid as before. Orgasm may be less frequent and less intense.

In women, dryness may make penetration or stimulation of the vagina more difficult, more irritating or even painful. This can be resolved by the use of a water-based lubricant. Following the menopause, with vaginal shrinkage, women may even find sex more intense or pleasurable. The lack of anxiety about becoming pregnant may even contribute towards sexual enjoyment.

What is not “normal” ageing? Any illness can have a knock-on effect on sexual ability at all ages. As you grow older you become prone to those illnesses which can take many years to manifest themselves. These can include heart disease, stroke, dementia, Parkinson’s disease, prostate problems and the long term effects of diabetes. It is illnesses like these which can have a detrimental effect on your sexual capability.

Some can be treated more successfully than others, and the treatments themselves can have an adverse effect on sexual function, but you should not automatically accept a poorer sex life as a result if you do not want to. There are many treatments for sexual dysfunction which can restore sexual capacity, and you should have a look at those listed in this web site under the title Sexual Dysfunction to give you some idea.